Lesbian couple with children says: “We want to live without fear”

Summer of 2013, Vilnius

I am a lesbian, and I raise my children in Vilnius – the city with the Mayor, who thinks we have no problems with discrimination.

Let me start from the fact that we live rather well. We make a good living and have great holidays, we are accepted in our families and jobs, and we can have a quality time with our children.

One of our children is actually going to the same school with the child of the Mayor’s Artūras Zuokas. So what are our problems?

Probably the most crucial one – that we are forced to be afraid for our own and our children’s life and health. Unbelievable – the European Union city, the capital! The city which proclaims itself to be the geographic centre of Europe and the city which currently undertakes the burden of the EU presidency. Yet, at the same time – the city of faces twisted with anger. The city of priests, where the Church is always spotless. The city of “prayer-walls”, which divide people from things that are too radically progressive – art and theatre, homosexuality, that surely comes from abroad. The city with the Mayor (a member of a liberal party!) who repeatedly talks about  homosexuals as just a bunch of attention seekers. Hungry for money and to be noticed.

The truth is, we never got a cent from the European Union. Nor a villa on a beach, nor a car, not even a toaster. They didn’t even send us a postcard, when we fell in love with each other!

I’m kidding, of course. Why should they? But there are people, talking about money, conspiracy, secret networks – with their serious faces on. People who think that one organization if some sort of a universal registry of homosexuals, where you need to enroll to recruit new members to the network. They read the so-called “gay manifesto”, obviously created by haters, and they believe it – every word. Absurdity does not raise suspicions.

To avoid misunderstanding, I will try to be very clear. No, there is no registry. Most of homosexuals do not have a contact with non-governmental organizations that fight for their rights. People have their lives and they are different – some live in the capital, others in cities and villages. Nobody pays any money to each other. It just happens. A girl is born, and already in kindergarten or school, she starts dreaming about another girl. In life (nature and society) anything can happen. It’s all very individual. Everybody’s life – special and unique. It is a journey.

Is our Mayor – one of these persons, who believe everything they read in some ever-more radical websites? What does our mayor read? How does he raise his competence (on the issues that he chooses to talk about)?

I would like to see the Mayor of Vilnius, who says: “There is no place for hatred in this city”. But Artūras Zuokas, on the contrary, says there is no place for open homosexuals who want to march on the street. Although we are – the irony of life – so close to you, Mayor. We walk the same streets every day.

In case You have forgotten the laws of Lithuania, Mayor – I will remind You. We cannot get married nor create partnership. It is not even about those huge taxes for inheritance – our joint property, which was bought for the loan money, received on much worse conditions and interests, than heterosexual couples. It’s not about all the other statutory rights, which simply cannot be assigned by contract.

The worst thing is the lack of protection for our children. Any small misunderstanding or a big accident would be enough to make our life into a tragedy. Not because of who we are (we cannot do anything about it) but because there are no laws. No protection whatsoever. As if we did not exist – although we do, and always have. Even my great-grandmother has told stories about such a family in her village…

“If biological mother dies, would our children be taken away, as if we are a slave family?” When I ask this question, lawyers start mumbling about foster institutions. Are you kidding me? Oh, I have not given birth, so I have no connection with the children?

Perhaps as well, (God forbid) in case the Mayor’s wife dies, his child could be taken away from him? No, they say immediately – “he is the Father!” Women are not just giving birth – they “give a present of a baby” to their lawful husbands, according to Lithuanian media headlines.

I see. Only, You should know that not all the husbands are the fathers. And more importantly – not all the biological parents are worth this name.

You cannot become a homosexual, but you do become a parent. A coincidence is not enough (got hooked up-got born-there, we have it). I have become  a mother to the children because of my constant care for them. It is our mutual, reciprocal relationship, which is not less important than the connection of the Mayor and his child.

Thus, whether the Mayor permits it or not, we are going to participate in the next Pride on Vilnius’ street – as a family. If this country cannot give us anything – if they treat us, as if we are slaves, whose families can be torn apart, they can treat us, as if we are silent, work animals, and moreover – as if we are the scapegoats for all the disasters and psychological instabilities of some persons – what can we do? We can at least walk the street of the city as WE – just for these few hundreds of meters, and we shall give ourselves the permission to do that. And we shall not beg for Yours, Mayor. We will not be upset, if You don’t like us.

We don’t count on being liked, Mayor! We do not want to become Your friends and invite You to our wedding. We just want a more peaceful and honorable life – without the fear for our children’s future. If in order to be who we are, we need to be covered, if we need to be afraid, before walking the streets of Vilnius – let it be. It is only regretful that the lack of safety in the city is increased by the Mayor himself.

House of Diversity and Education

Įvairovės ir edukacijos namai


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